help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
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