Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
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