doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
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Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
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Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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