so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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