The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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