You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
