I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
