Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
