I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
