we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
