This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
