Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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