Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
