someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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