True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Mom said you looked used
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
