There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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