he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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