just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
