haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
