So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
