I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
