so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
