She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
