so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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