Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
