Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
