dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
