In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
