I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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