I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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