hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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