The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
