They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
