So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
