first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
operation harelip BJ is a go
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
