It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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