is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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