I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
she told me i tasted like america
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
