I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize