smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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