It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
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Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
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you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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