You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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