I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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