She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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