God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
