pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
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He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
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How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize