You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
