apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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