you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
