I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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