dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
