My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Randomize
