There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
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I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
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Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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