i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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