Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
im drinking this country out of the recession.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
