I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
