Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
