They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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