perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
