I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
