Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
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