Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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