You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
