I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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