you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
