Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
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She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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