I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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