I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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