You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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