I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
