We're facebook friends in real life
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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