just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
how drunk are you?
Several
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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