Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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