I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
