genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Someone shattered a urinal.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
