Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
