you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
