we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
