Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
