she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
