What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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